Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category
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Those Wonderful Church Bulletin Bloopers
November 20th, 2008
We’ve all seen bloopers in our church bulletins during the course of our lives, but here’s a new list I received in email today.
They’re Back! Those Wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank goodness for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: “Break Forth Into Joy.”
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow..
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours”.
Time To Lighten It Up A Bit
September 26th, 2008
What a week. Trying to keep up with who did and said what in Washington in an attempt to get ahead of the current financial difficulties the country faces has been daunting.
Take a break, take a breather and take a look at this. Hope it at least made you chuckle!
Add to that this video from BBC Worldwide and your weekend might be just a bit brighter.
There now, that explains it all!
In Case You Missed the SNL Skit
September 16th, 2008
Friday Humor
June 6th, 2008
This bit of humor at the 2008 Scripps National Spelling Bee might have been an unusual occurrence, but judging from the reaction of those in attendance it was obviously a welcome one.
As Art Linkletter used to say, “Kids Say The Darndest Things.”
By the way, the young man in the video, Sameer Mishra was this years winner. Congrats to him for a job well done.
A Gauge For The Future
May 25th, 2008
We’re all in the same boat so to speak, so we might as well add a little humor to the pain.
Received these in an email..perhaps all forms of transportation will need one in the future!
All In Fun
May 22nd, 2008
Paul Aldrich reminds us why we should elect Hillary Clinton as our next President of the United States.
In this otherwise tedious election season, it is nice to have a good laugh.
Enjoy!
Hitler Sings Jefferson’s Theme Song
May 21st, 2008
Special thanks to The Anchoress via College Humor is a funny video of Hitler singing the Jefferson’s theme song:
From My Inbox
May 20th, 2008
John McCain, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama were walking down a Washington DC street when they came upon a homeless man.
John McCain gave the man his business card and told him to come to his office for a job. He then took $20 out of his pocket and gave it to the man.
Hillary was very impressed, so when they came upon another homeless person she decided to help. She walked over to him and gave him directions to the welfare office. She then reached into John McCain’s pocket and got out $20. She kept $15 for her administrative fee and gave the man $5.
When they came upon yet another homeless person, Barack told him…”To have hope…change is coming…” and gave him nothing.
Now do you understand the difference?
From my mailbox
March 7th, 2008
Just a little something…(author unknown)
I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver’s license.
Happy Friday!
I’m Trying to Help You Out, Kid
February 19th, 2008
There’s No Droning On In this Commercial
January 16th, 2008
Other than perhaps the Super Bowl, I don’t have many memories of terrific television commercials..until now.
This is by far one of the best advertisements I have seen in years. What fun! (I don’t want to spoil it for those who choose to take a look, so I’ll say no more.)
Life, Humor, Politics etc. etc.= one terrific post
September 5th, 2007
Few across the web can begin a post with the words, “at the end of the world only two things will survive, cockroaches and Cher,†and somehow incorporate politics, health, personal woes and entertainment successfully.
The Anchoress manages to do just that in her latest post with the flair which all of us who are faithful readers have come to know.
Hop on over, have a visit and enjoy.
Another Group of Hillary Donors
August 24th, 2007
Full story here.
The queen of vampire Goth lit — check.
Hollywood’s favorite she-pimp — right on.
The list of new celebrity endorsements continues to mount for the Democratic presidential run of Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, who leads the pack in election polls, all the while picking up an ever-more interesting cadre of announced political admirers.
“I’m a big fan of Hillary’s. Any woman who’s smart, how can you not be?” Democrat Heidi Fleiss, 41, told the Las Vegas Review-Journal earlier this week.
“Even if you’re a Republican, if you’re a woman and you’re smart, you have to respect her,” she said.
Powerful stuff from a woman who did hard time for routing glamazon sheet surfers to Left Coast power players, and who owns a yuppie laundromat and plans a Vegas-area brothel with a cunningly feminist twist — female customers, male employees.
The newly born-again Christian Anne Rice announced her support for Mrs. Clinton on her Web site in a long letter posted Aug. 10, touting Mrs. Clinton’s Democratic values as being closest to hers.
But the Fleiss pronouncement was unexpected if not possibly unwelcome. And came while skinnier-by-the-moment porn star Jenna Jameson, who announced her retirement from adult films, recently set the public record straight that she is also solidly in the Clinton camp.
) 
Dear Guss
August 24th, 2007
Dear Guss,
I’ve been thinking about this for some time now and I need to ask you a question.
Do I need to start my own blog so I can write? Please let me know.
Sincerely,
Your favorite cousin/sister ~J~ =))
Rove’s Legacy Tainted by Steroids. Satire.
August 24th, 2007
I hope that this doesn’t offend anyone.
To many, he was “Bush’s Brain,†the master tactician who would stop at nothing to advance the political agenda of George W. Bush.
But to a growing number of experts within the Beltway and beyond, a more sinister portrait is emerging of former White House political adviser Karl Rove: a man who achieved his record-shattering results only by using steroids.
“The question isn’t whether or not Karl Rove was juicing,†says Davis Logsdon, a University of Minnesota professor who studies steroid use among White House political advisers. “The question is, exactly how much was he juicing?â€
In building his case that Mr. Rove used performance-enhancing drugs during his years in the Bush White House, Mr. Logsdon compares his record in Texas, where he was an above-average political adviser, to his tenure in Washington, where he became a pumped-up superstar.
“In Texas, Rove only succeeded in getting a governor elected, but in Washington, he organized the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, staged the ‘Mission Accomplished’ photo-op and outed a CIA agent,†Mr. Logsdon says. “There’s only one way to explain the surge in performance: steroids.â€
Should you Stand Up or Downwind When Meeting a Moose?
August 22nd, 2007
Guss has done all the heavy lifting today so I thought I’d search for things on the lighter side.
Via Instapundit we find another take on global warming.
Bacteria in a moose’s stomach create methane gas which is considered even more destructive to the environment than carbon dioxide gas. Cows pose the same problem (more…
It’s nice to see a bit of humor (I don’t think Norway feels that way) added to a topic which has been such a hot issue.
Let’s just say this, if I see a moose in the near future I think I’ll steer clear.
I found this in my mail and had to share.:)
August 21st, 2007
The sharing of marriage…
The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking, “That poor old couple – all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.”
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine – they were used to sharing everything.
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said “No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.”
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked “What is it you are waiting for?”
She answered
Author King ‘mistaken for vandal’
August 19th, 2007
Sick a monster on them. 
Author Stephen King was mistaken for a vandal when he started signing books during an unannounced visit to a shop in Australia, according to local media.
The Australian Broadcasting Corporation said staff at the Alice Springs book store did not initially realise the writer was autographing his own novels.Bookshop manager Bev Ellis said: “When you see someone writing in one of your books you get a bit toey [nervous].
“We immediately ran to the books and lo and behold, there was the signature.”
Ms Ellis later approached the author at a nearby supermarket and said he was “very nice, charming”.
“Well, if we knew you were coming we would have baked you a cake,” she told the writer.
Ay carumba! The Simpsons
July 27th, 2007
I must say it takes a lot to surprise me but this was totally shocking. Actually I used to watch it until I found out they voted Republican.
It was a moral quagmire no 10-year-old should be tortured by: On Thursdays at 8 o’clock, I could either pedal up Canyon Road to my Awana Club meeting, memorizing Bible verses for the chance to fasten a new pin on my vest, or stay home and watch “The Simpsons.â€
Most weeks I chose eternal damnation.
In 1990, “The Simpsons†— once crude drawings on the “The Tracey Ullman Show†and now rude heroes for the nation’s youth — were borderline heretical.
In 1992, at the annual meeting of the National Religious Broadcasters association, former President George H.W. Bush famously vetoed the show: “We seek a nation that is closer to ‘The Waltons’ than to ‘The Simpsons.’â€
When the show first debuted, the “moral majority†folks felt Fox was marketing bad manners to kids (“The Simpsons†reportedly sold 1 million T-shirts per week at the height of Bartmania). This was before “Adult Swim†and cartoons for grown-ups.
Nearly one-third of “The Simpsons’†adult audience describe themselves as conservative, according to the Simmons Research National Consumer Study conducted in fall 2006.
Of respondents who had viewed the show in the last week, about 34 percent said they were “any conservative,†compared to about 42 percent of average American adults who’d describe themselves the same way.
Conservative columnists have lauded Homer has a hero, and GOP strategists discovered that the show does well among young Republican male viewers. The experts say it’s because the longest-running sitcom in history paints every political gag with the same brush.
